That thing called anxiety

I know there are a lot of people who struggle with anxiety. And I think a sort of anxiety hit me too, like a stinging bee which got lost in the floral field. You worry about big things, but also really small things that are just a part of ‘normal’ life. You make things a lot bigger than they are. Like a fish becoming a shark, that takes over the sea.

There are days I don’t even want to go out of bed. I feel really lonely and bored. Feel like I am not good enough. And I am scared for the things to come. Like doing a presentation with two other people in front of a class of only 10 people. ‘What are they thinking now’, ‘they must think I am really stupid saying that’, are my thoughts during something like that. My brain becomes a haunted house, haunted by my own thoughts. The cruelest words about me, come from my own mouth. I am always worrying about what people think of me, even during a normal conversation. Especially when people ask me to tell something more about myself. I used to want everybody to like me. But now I know that that isn’t possible and it doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t like you. You don’t have to marry everyone. I find it really hard to remind myself of those things and to be…. just me. But I know I just have to be one of a kind. One that I am happy with and which I am proud of.

Some months ago my anxiety soared as high as a skyscraper. Nowadays I try to get rid of it by just some little things. Doing one thing every day that scares me. Saying to that girl in the bathroom that she looks really nice or her hair is really beautiful. Or asking that girl in the hallways where she bought that beautiful dress or shoes. Leaving the house with barely some make up on and remembering that it’s oke for not trying to be perfect. So if you got stung by a bee as well and your brain is a haunted house, try these things. Maybe it will help you to be a little bit more confident and maybe… just maybe the anxiety will fade away. I know that it has helped me a little bit. It’s just awful to constantly worry about every little thing. With those things I hope I will do bigger things much easier and I can easily speak in front of a big crowd. Apart from that I think that if you’ve convinced yourself that you are a confident person by doing those little things, you will actually become one. I know that that’s really hard and I still have to work on that too. But that is one of my ultimate goals. Rianne ones said to me: ‘’If you think you’ve said something stupid, it doesn’t make you stupid.’’ At first I thought: what the hell are you talking about. But it has actually helped me a lot.

I said that not everybody can like you, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be nice to people. It’s important to live day by day and try to enjoy of everything, because that can all change in just one second. Know that everything happens for a reason and in the end it will all work out well. You are the one yourself who looks back at your life, when your body is outdated. Do what makes you happy and don’t let anxiety or depression or anything take that away, even if you can’t be 100% happy. But be nice to people, because you don’t know which bee they got stung by.

Mariska